The Kiss
29 Jul
We stood on my front porch, facing each other in semi-darkness. It was the moment we’d both been dreading.
“I’m sure I’ll come visit you within the next two years. After all, I haven’t been to Malaysia yet, and Malaysia is right next to Singapore.”
I nodded, “I’m sure we’ll see each other.”
Now would be the time for our final hug. There was about a foot of space between us, and yet I couldn’t bring myself to close that gap. The whole night, I had been struggling, wanting to be close to him and yet keeping myself out of arms reach. And then in an instant, that distance was gone, we were embracing, clutching tightly to each other as if our lives depended on it.
“I was afraid, afraid that if I hugged you, I would never let go,” I whispered in his ear. I could feel his arms around the small of my back tighten in response.
We finally pulled apart slightly, but his hands were still on my waist and my hands around his neck. We were so close our noses were almost touching.
“There is something I wanted to say to you,” I started, in a half-whisper, “Something I shouldn’t say. But it’s now or never.” I took a pause to gather my courage, I could already feel the monologue I’d been rehearsing night after night for four years bubbling to the surface.
“I love you. I always have. I could convince myself to move on, I could take my mind off you for weeks at a time, but I’ve never been able to convince myself that you and I were not meant to be together. Deep down, I’ve always believed you were some sort of soul mate for me. I convinced myself to move on only because you were happy and I didn’t want to complicate things for you. But none of the relationships I’ve had in the last four years could come close to what we had. I wasn’t really moving on, I was just… waiting.”
I let my last word hang in the air between us before continuing.
“I never said anything because I didn’t want to make you choose. I didn’t want to know the answer. If you chose me, I would be the cause of breaking up your relationship. If you chose her,” I shuddered even at the thought, “I don’t know how I’d live with that.”
There was silence. We continued to stare at each other in the semi-darkness. Finally, his lips moved. “It’s always been you,” he said beneath his breath, so softly I couldn’t be sure of what I heard, so softly I wondered whether my ears were deceiving me.
And then he kissed me. Or I kissed him. Our lips came together in the most natural way, as if they were two pieces of a puzzle, meant to fit side-by-side. Our kisses became urgent, as if we were cheating time. Four years of suppressed emotion spilled out of me into that kiss. The moment felt like an eternity and a millisecond all at once. (more…)

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