Girl and City

Things I want to do before I’m 25:
[x] go on a road trip (to the states, before the exchange rate goes down!) and visit Connie, Stephanie, Jennifer
[ ] get bartending/wine certificate
[ ] get diving certificate
[ ] visit vancouver
[ ] spring break in el caribe: sex on the beach – ok not really. but party party party!
[x] go to a concert (preferably SPICE GIRLS REUNION TOUR HELLO)
[ ] know how to read/write chinese
[ ] learned conversational korean
[ ] become fluent in spanish
[ ] get TESOL certificate
[ ] china: intern/work, take chinese classes, visit taiwan and hk as well
[ ] korea: eat eat eat! temple stay, teach english, take tae kwon do lessons, go karaokeing
[ ] thailand: eat eat eat! volunteer, massage
[ ] france: try crepes, sit in a parisienne cafe for an entire day
[ ] italy: take cooking classes, go on a wine tour, make wine
[ ] japan: eat eat eat! learn how to make sushi rolls properly, drink saki, watch sumo wrestling, ooh and ahh over overpriced cute things
[ ] brazil: para-gliding over the jungles, hiking
[ ] singapore
[ ] australia: swim with dolphins, scuba diving, visit Jen
[ ] egypt: pyramids, ride a camel
[ ] uk: ride a double-decker tour bus, party with hostelers/backpackers, visit Hydora
[ ] spain: watch a bull fight, learn dances (salsa, flamenco)
[ ] belgium: buy a lifetime supply of chocolate!
[ ] nepal: try goat milk
[ ] be a bridesmaid (or a best man, I’m not picky)
[ ] at the very least, let me be in charge of the bachelorette party PLEEEEASE

Things I want to do before I’m 30:
[ ] get my own dog
[x] develop a ritualistic friendship
[ ] write a screenplay
[ ] work for a magazine at some point
[ ] publish something from my blog
[ ] host a big party (i.e. New Years Eve)
[ ] go to a red carpet event
[ ] go to the opera
[ ] be on TV for something big
[ ] get some sort of cooking certification
[ ] live somewhere in california
[ ] get a real tree for christmas
[ ] try stand-up comedy – even for one night

Somewhere along the way, I’d also like to become an actress, adopt two kids (a boy and a girl), volunteer in a war-torn country, be appointed a UN-representative, work as a tour guide in asia, go in-house as a corporate lawyer, design my own clothing line, work as a layout designer for a magazine, and maybe get married if I have time.
And die before I’m 60.

Anyway, I’m probably going to slow this posting frenzy (I swear, me being at work makes me the most inefficient I’ve ever been! So this is what it’s like to have a job.) for I will be celebrating my birthday this weekend with the loves of my life (friends from all over are gathering to celebrate with me!). It will be glorious. I will post pictures.

Ciao!

I just read this and almost wanted to hit my head against the computer.
Why didn’t I see this? Why didn’t I notice this?
It’s been so obvious. So fucking obvious.

And then I realized that all these boys lo these many months? The LRS and Memphis Boy and The Doctor and SBDB? Rebound rebound rebound rebound. Lookin for love in all the wrong places, lookin for love in all the wrong faces, as they say.

How many boys have I gone through in the past year after breaking up with MFL? 6? 7? 8? How many times did I purposely get drunk knowing I’d end up making out with a stranger?
If I wasn’t looking for anything more than a one-night fling, why did I ever give my number out? Why did I ever wait by the phone? Why did I feel hurt when I never got a call?
[ARCHIVE SCRUB]
Why am I trying to cram every minute of my summer schedule with stuff? The only time I have to myself is when I get home late at night, and then I stay up late eating and watching mindless television programming.

Wow. When I put it that way, my life sounds really sad.

I am still on rebound from love. I am looking for something to fill the hole, but nothing’s quite the same.

Even when I did want to give GB a chance, I was never really genuine about it. I considered him only because it would be a long-distance relationship, and I’d only have to see him once every week or couple weeks max. Deep down, I never wanted a relationship with him. And he knew it.

Everything is a flimsy substitute compared to the real thing. Even though I’ve told myself a billion times that I’m over MFL and I’m not looking for love, it’s simply not true. Well, at least, the latter isn’t true. As far as being over MFL, I think I am over it in so far as I’m not living in the past anymore. I think I’ll always love what we had though, and probably compare my future relationships to it. Which is ok… right?

So what now? How do I make my sub-conscious stop looking for love in every dark corner and seedy bar?

I should just tape a warning to my forehead. “WARNING: Proceed with caution. Girl on rebound.”