Girl and City

My roommate’s boyfriend has been staying over the past week.
I can tell because our bathroom smells like MAN.

I’ve been up since 8:30am doing nothing. Well, I’m waiting for my tea to soak. That’s not nothing.

I don’t think I’ll make it to school today because I’m too lazy to change out of my PJs.

Last night I was on the bus on my way home, and instead of getting off at my stop, I rode the bus for another half hour. I ended up getting off at a mall that had a 24hr grocery store. So I bought frozen dinner and chocolate and walked home.

I think I’m going crazy.

I saw a picture today.
It made my heart flutter
and my breath quicken
and my eyes water.

And then I realized

I am completely, entirely, utterly
in love.
With a man who will never, ever
be mine.
I may never even see him again.
How convenient. I know just how to pick ‘em eh?

What did I first call him? SCC? Regardless.
He is entirely unavailable
in every possible way, and yet I feel
like my heart has already decided,
on its own accord,
that each beat is for him.

I wish I could explain why I am so
completely in love
with this man, but
where do I begin?

If only you knew the way his eyes
sparkle
when he’s talking.
If only you knew the way his face
wrinkles
when he grins.
If only you knew.

I have been
bewitched.

As long as he exists,
I will find every other man
tasteless.
How will I ever end this
maddening love
when I don’t even know when or wherefore it began?

He’s seen me through his eyes
and I can’t get away.

But he doesn’t know
what I see
when I look at him.

He slips through the doors and I follow him. The crowd is thickening and I’m struggling to keep up.

I love you.

I’ve spent the last 4 hours of my morning reading old entries instead of studying for mid-terms. But it was worth it. The following are some examples of my most enlightened moments:

It’s like when you first cut off your arm, you’re like “HOLY HONEYTREES, I DON’T HAVE MY ARM ANYMORE!” And then you slowly get used to it.

Maybe “marriage” is just a euphemism for successfully tying down a sugar daddy.

Lately, I’ve noticed that my knuckles on my right hand are a frightfully bloody sight. And no, it’s not because I punch the wall every time the temperature dips below freezing.

When will they accept the fact that a woman’s urinary complex is not designed to be able to aim?!

Is there toilet water getting on your ass? No? Well, then, what’s the big deal?

Why are these things called blogs anyway? They should be called “the pathetic highlights of my life.”

5:11pm
That’s it. I’ve done it. I’m going to turn off the wireless receiver. NO MORE INTERNET FOR ME!
5:37pm
Nevermind. Internet = life.
Argh, stupid thoughts of food broke my roll. Now the only roll I can think of are sushi rolls. Fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck

In my mind, a commercial was playing with the dorky high school kid running after the bus each morning and all the kids inside are inwardly laughing at this sad little fellow because the bus driver is a nasty old man who hasn’t had sex in a century and therefore won’t stop to let the poor kid on.

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