Girl and City

I thought I was doing better, I really was. I had stopped binge-eating and I was exercising semi-regularly. And then…

YoungAndRestless cheated on me.

Not that we were exclusive or anything, but I told him not to make out with anyone on his trip to Florida, and he big fat did it anyway.
And then HardworkingKoreanBoy used me to write a speech for him, then stopped emailing.
And then CuteDanishBoy never got back to me after our one non-date.

So of course I lapsed into sit-around-in-my-PJs-eating-a-tub-of-ice-cream-EVERYDAY mode. It was pretty fucking great.

But now 3 lbs later, I want my old happy, healthy self back. And I don’t know how to get her back. Exams are looming in the not-so-distant future, which means stress and bad skin and even worse eating habits.
Plus, I can’t focus on studying because I’m constantly wondering where I went wrong and why I still don’t have a boyfriend and generally abusing my self-esteem in every way possible.

So my horizon went from 3 boys to 0. And it’s not that I need boys or anything. But my ego could really use some stroking.

If only Ben & Jerry were real people. They’d make fantastic lovers.

Edit: Ok, so there is one more boy on the horizon. LookingforaGirlfriend is kind of old though, and rather on the boring side. Plus, he told me he’s looking for a girlfriend the first time we talked (hence the nickname), so that kind of scared me right off.

Do I have commitment problems? Or am I just afraid to fall in love again?
I want a boyfriend, I do I do I do! But dammit, I am so tired of these games!
I don’t want to fish around to be asked out on a date, I don’t want to wait for a call/email the week after, I don’t want to snoop around on the Facebook of my potential boyfriend/lover/husband, and I don’t want to be the only citizen of Singledom anymore!
I want to wake up feeling on top of the world because I know there’s a boy out there who loves me. I want to go to sleep with a smile on my face because I know he’ll be thinking about me before he falls asleep. I want to have someone to run to when I need cheering up (someone who does not live in my freezer), and I want someone who wants me as much as I want him.

But luckily, I am not thinking about MFL anymore. Well — thinking, yes. Doing anything about it, no. I’ve realized that even if we got back together, everything would be different and I wouldn’t have the things I wanted anyway.

So in the meantime, I’m going to make myself a sign that says “Single and Looking” and fasten it to my head.

Ok happy moment over.

On Saturday, I went on a date with CuteDanishBoy, except it wasn’t really supposed to be a date. But me in all my doofus-ness let him pay for dinner, essentially turning it into a date. Which I have felt terrible about all week, because now I’ve made things all ambiguous! Thank God he’s leaving the country as soon as this semester ends.
But aside from that, our non-date was quite lovely. We went to see an opera, my first one ever, which wasn’t that exciting but still, good music. And then we went to this adorable, romantic little Italian restaurant (which I blogged about here) and stayed there until closing. Then we kind of walked around, enjoying the crisp night air.

But really not a date, ok?

And then the rest of the week has been pretty blah. HKB isn’t emailing as often now, and exams are a whole four days closer than they were the last time I blogged. And I feel like I’m not going to go on a real date for another billion years.
Although, LookingForAGirlfriend did say he was going to drive up to see me after my exams. So there’s hope on the horizon. Just not a lot, ’cause LFG sounds real desperate (hence the nickname) and a little boring.

Whatever, a girl’s gotta eat.