Things that don’t work out
10 Apr
I thought I was doing better, I really was. I had stopped binge-eating and I was exercising semi-regularly. And then…
YoungAndRestless cheated on me.
Not that we were exclusive or anything, but I told him not to make out with anyone on his trip to Florida, and he big fat did it anyway.
And then HardworkingKoreanBoy used me to write a speech for him, then stopped emailing.
And then CuteDanishBoy never got back to me after our one non-date.
So of course I lapsed into sit-around-in-my-PJs-eating-a-tub-of-ice-cream-EVERYDAY mode. It was pretty fucking great.
But now 3 lbs later, I want my old happy, healthy self back. And I don’t know how to get her back. Exams are looming in the not-so-distant future, which means stress and bad skin and even worse eating habits.
Plus, I can’t focus on studying because I’m constantly wondering where I went wrong and why I still don’t have a boyfriend and generally abusing my self-esteem in every way possible.
So my horizon went from 3 boys to 0. And it’s not that I need boys or anything. But my ego could really use some stroking.
If only Ben & Jerry were real people. They’d make fantastic lovers.
Edit: Ok, so there is one more boy on the horizon. LookingforaGirlfriend is kind of old though, and rather on the boring side. Plus, he told me he’s looking for a girlfriend the first time we talked (hence the nickname), so that kind of scared me right off.
Do I have commitment problems? Or am I just afraid to fall in love again?
I want a boyfriend, I do I do I do! But dammit, I am so tired of these games!
I don’t want to fish around to be asked out on a date, I don’t want to wait for a call/email the week after, I don’t want to snoop around on the Facebook of my potential boyfriend/lover/husband, and I don’t want to be the only citizen of Singledom anymore!
I want to wake up feeling on top of the world because I know there’s a boy out there who loves me. I want to go to sleep with a smile on my face because I know he’ll be thinking about me before he falls asleep. I want to have someone to run to when I need cheering up (someone who does not live in my freezer), and I want someone who wants me as much as I want him.
But luckily, I am not thinking about MFL anymore. Well — thinking, yes. Doing anything about it, no. I’ve realized that even if we got back together, everything would be different and I wouldn’t have the things I wanted anyway.
So in the meantime, I’m going to make myself a sign that says “Single and Looking” and fasten it to my head.
Oh hey, I used to say ‘scuzie’ all the time. As in ‘excuse me’, right? Right?
You do sound creepy (haha), and I think I’m younger than you were three years ago.
Are those names… nicknames you give to keep anonymity, or IM names?
I don’t know anything about binge eating and binge whatever, but maybe you could take something else up (which isn’t drugs or smoking, hopefully) that would replace eating and cheer you up?
And maybe you don’t need a guy. Because when you do get one, you’ll be wasting all your study time thinking about him :) (Good luck on the exams, by the way).
As annoying as it is to hear, you find it when you’re not searching. Ben and Jerry’s are always faithful and loyal and good comapny.
Amen, sister.
I dunno why boys always feel like they have to make bids on everyone and then go with who they believe to be the “best win”. Also I’m really disappointed in HWKB. Ugh. Of course it’s for the better you’re not with them, but you’re a cool person; I’m sure you’ll find someone who is interested in you for you. =) Until then, let’s share the ice cream.
Patience, grasshopper!
All things will come in good time.
I dated a lot, I mean a LOT of losers before I met my Fiance. After each heartbreak I beat myself up and cried and wondered what was wrong with me. NOTHING. It was the path I had to take to get to where I am now. You’re on your path, too! These boys are just bricks along the path..
Boys suck. I hope you find someone lovely though…cheer up! Tomorrow’s a brand new day!
Just don’t get that tattooed on your head or else that could cause some riffs in future relationships. ;-) Keep your head high!
Maybe you should just forget about dudes for awhile, and focus on yourself. When I did, they all came to me anyway.