Girl and City

When I told The Sisterhood about my dinner-turned-sleepover extravaganza with MFL, I was hit with a chorus of “I so saw this coming!” We were at our second-favourite coffee house on a Tuesday night, gathered around a coffee table that was too small for our over-sized coffee mugs.
“We totally saw this coming. We talked about it all the time,” FF said, after I told them about the night. I was suddenly reminded of the scene in Friends right before Ross got married when Rachel and Phoebe were sitting at home and Phoebe said the exact same thing to Rachel after she realized she still loved Ross.
“Well, if you saw this coming, why didn’t you say anything?” I stared at them incredulously, surprised by their reaction.
ALS stopped mid-sip to answer me. “We did! We told you you were in love with him!”
“What? When?” I practically screeched.
“Tons of times!” ALS and FF both yelled back.
“What? No!” I couldn’t recall a single time when they’d said to me, “SG, you’re in love with MFL.” But then again, my memory could be rather selective at times.
“Anyway, it was so obvious that you were still in love with him and he was still in love with you. I mean, you went through a bunch of guys that were completely wrong for you, I don’t think you really liked any of them, and you haven’t had a proper relationship at all.”
She was right. The longest time I “dated” a guy was for a month, but come to think of it, I couldn’t even remember his name. “But, MFL‘s had tons of girlfriends since we–”
“Maybe he just deals with it differently from you. But I mean, why else would his ex hate you so much? She must have known,” ALS said.
“Are you sure you want to get back together with MFL though? Are you sure you’re not just lonely?” FF asked me cautiously.
“I don’t think so. I mean, two years ago, maybe it could have just been loneliness, but it’s been three years. Besides, I’m not one of those girls that needs to have a guy. If I was, I would’ve clung on to someone a long time ago. It has to mean something if I’m still holding on to a guy from three years ago.”
FF wasn’t convinced. “Maybe you just haven’t found the right guy. I mean, when my boyfriend and I broke up, I realized that there weren’t any good catches out there, and then we got back together.”
“No, that’s different. That was only a month, of course it makes sense that you didn’t find anyone else interesting in a month. It’s been three years for her.” ALS said in my defense. She was surprisingly supportive of this MFL thing considering she didn’t like him.
“It’s true. I think this is the real thing. I mean, I was the one who broke up the relationship. Back then, I wasn’t ready for that commitment. But now, when I picture myself in the future, I see myself with him. I can actually see myself marrying him and spending the rest of my life with him. It’s so weird. I was never able to do that when we were together – picture myself spending the rest of my life with him. And now I can.” Despite how close we were, it was still embarrassing to say this stuff out loud. It was too mushy for me. ALS and FF nodded in silence. We digressed into discussions about marriage, which apparently freaked FF out every time she thought about it. I could understand, I used to feel exactly the same way. I don’t know what happened to make me do a completely 180.

“I don’t know if I really want to pursue this though,” I said, “I mean, he still has a girlfriend. And, I don’t know what’s going to happen after this. What should I do now?”
“Talk to him!” They both shouted, as if it was the most obvious thing in the world. “Tell him exactly what you’ve just told us!”
Before we left, FF turned to me and said, “I am actually really happy for you, that you’ve finally realized who your soulmate is. I’m so excited for you two!”

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I ended up seeing MFL on Monday instead of Sunday because I had a very stressful weekend. Suffice to say, I was functioning on exhaust fumes sleep-wise when I saw MFL on Monday.

Anyway, to update the whole “I love you, I love you not” situation with MFL, the night was… weird. I guess I couldn’t have expected to be able to avoid the awkward landmine(s), but I certainly did not expect the night to turn out the way it did.
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