My First Penis Party
17 May
Last night, I went to PJ‘s bachelorette party in The City. The theme? Hollywood Glam. I was the only girl who wasn’t wearing lipstick. We hung out at the maid-of-honour’s apartment for a couple hours and played games, then went to dinner. It was a penis-filled night. Some examples:
- Party favours that consisted of: fruit-flavoured penis gummies and a penis straw.
- The penis straw produced many good moments, including my own contributions to penis quotes of the night: “It’s kind of strange to be sucking tequila out of a penis.” “My penis tastes kind of sour.”
- A hole-and-pole game where one blindfolded individual has to poke the pole between her legs into the hole situated between someone else’s legs. My blindfolded partner was terrible at this game and I told her dryly, “You’re poking my thigh.” I guess not unrealistic after all.
- Penis-shaped cupcakes. Our waiter loved these. The bride-to-be’s comment: “Did you notice that we all started licking the head first?”
Other memorable moments while we played “Things”:
- Things not to pick up: STDs.
- Things not to do while naked: fry bacon (or fry anything for that matter); weld.
- Things not to do on your honeymoon: pick up STDs (see above).
Despite not knowing anyone but the bride-to-be, and not being able to drink since I was driving (ok, I had a little to drink), I had a good time. It was fun to dress up and drink and talk about penises and STDs at 5 in the afternoon. Our gaggle of glammed-up girls got a lot of attention everywhere we went: on the street, on the subway (two guys sat next to me on an empty subway car on my way home. It was a little sketchy), in the restaurant, etc. Three security guards tried to hit on us. All in good fun.
This morning, my dad asked me what I want my wedding to be like.
“Iunno,” I said with a shrug. Personally, I was wondering whether I could have a bachelorette party without getting married. To celebrate my bachelorette-hood, you know?
He kept pushing. “Do you want a Chinese wedding or a Western wedding?”
“Dunno.” I chewed on a piece of bagel and fixed my eyes straight ahead.
“Well, a Chinese wedding wouldn’t be inside a church. And you’d be wearing a red qi pao instead of a white dress,” he explained, as if I was clueless.
“Don’t care.”
He gave up.
The truth is, I didn’t have an answer for him because I have never thought about my wedding before. In fact, I haven’t thought about anyone’s wedding before this year. And, as much as I would love to bask in the fantasy of what is supposed to be the best night of my life, I don’t actually think it will be the best night of my life. I have very low expectations of weddings, to be honest. I don’t care whether I’m wearing red or white on my wedding day, whether we’re in a church or a banquet hall. I don’t care whether there’s a minister or a three-tiered cake. I see weddings as one big party, and look forward to it about as much as I look forward to any other party where I might be a VIP. I think I have given more thought about where we’d go for our honeymoon than what our wedding might look like.
Italy, in case you’re wondering. And not at all because it is phallic-shaped.
fruit-flavoured penis gummies and a penis straw. haha! awesomeeeee ;P
Sounds like fun. (: Nothing beats having an all night session with your favourite girls where you can simply hang out and be yourselves!
I’ve been to a few of these parties, and there are definitely more laughs than a candle or tupperware party!
I also do not really care what goes on at my wedding, as long as no one beats the crap out of each other, the food is good and the marriage license gets signed, I’d be good!
It was for a company that develops training materials for aircrafts…albeit, if I secure a position within this company (a friend who works there seems very sure they will be hiring me, so here’s hoping) the position would be incredibly boring. BUT, the salary is very good and it would give me the experience necessary to gain a career in technical writing in another area other than aircrafts.
I’m a weirdo who thinks the idea of writing instruction manuals seems like a cool job. My spouse thinks that would be the worlds most terrible career, there we differ.
Good luck with your job prospect! It’s always a pain in the ass waiting to hear back from interviews, which was why when I worked in a management role, I would always call people back whether they got the job or not. The department manager told me that he looked forward to calling me, and then later in that conversation said that if I was a successful candidate, he would call me within the week and make me a salary offer. So I’m hoping it wasn’t just a slip of the tongue, and that what he first said can be a reliable foreshadow…I’m over analyzing again haha.
I LOVE the idea of a bachelorette party without a wedding!