“Is it me? Am I not girlfriend material?”
A quick coffee with WAF turned into shisha and whining over the Boys Who Don’t Want to Date Us (BWDWDU).
“It’s not you, it’s them. They want control, and we’re not girls that they can control,” WAF said matter-of-a-factly as she took a deep breath from the hookah.
We were sitting in a modern Middle Eastern cafe, sharing a bong of strawberry-flavoured shisha. It was only my second time, but I was quickly understanding the lethargic attraction of the suck-and-puff bong.
“You’re right, they’re both passive boys, aren’t they?” I realized, referring to HB and BAD. “It’s like, they can’t overtly exert control, so they do all this sneaky, emotionally manipulative shit to make us feel bad for being who we are,” I deduced, waving my hands vaguely as I tried to understand my own statement.
“Exactly. Just look at their girlfriends. They both chose girls who are completely submissive, completely dull, never go out, and barely speak. Those girls don’t require any effort to control, they’re practically wallpaper.”
She was right, HB had told me his girlfriend basically never left the apartment. That was why he hadn’t been worried about her seeing us holding hands on the street.
“And we are girls who do go out,” I added the obvious aloud, more for my own benefit than anything else.
“Right, and they can’t control what happens when we go out. There’s always the possibility of us meeting someone better when we go out. It all boils down to their own insecurities.”
I had an epiphany. “There are two types of girls in the world,” I said with conviction. “There are the girls who leave their apartments and the girls who don’t. And we are girls who leave our apartments.”
WAF chuckled, but applauded my deduction. “And the BWDWDU want us, but they won’t date us because they can’t control us.” she added.
With a twinkle in my eye, I raised my coffee as if to suggest a toast. “That’s why we need to find boys who can handle us.”
1
Britt at http://lovelila.wordpress.com
LOL it’s true! Then there are the girls who leave their apartments that are trapped in the girl that doesn’t leave the apartment. That would be me. Ugh. It sucks. I can’t wait until the end of the month. I’m escaping the apartment.
[Reply]
SassyGirl Reply:
June 23rd, 2009 at 11:47 am
You tell ‘em girl!
[Reply]
Posted at June 22, 2009 on 10:03pm.
2
Heather at http://thesethougtsinsidemyhead.blogspot.com/
So true, so true.
[Reply]
Posted at June 22, 2009 on 11:23pm.
3
sassy jadore at http://sassyjadore.blogspot.com/
I totally agree with you and I too am the kind of girl that goes out and need a man that handle me. I can never see myself as the clinging type. I like to be independent.^^
[Reply]
SassyGirl Reply:
June 23rd, 2009 at 11:47 am
In my previous serious relationship, the guy I dated was so aloof that I did end up being a bit more needy than I’d care to admit. So I think it’s a lot of wanting what we can’t have. When a guy wants me, I’m suddenly so distant, but when a guy acts aloof, I’m all “What’s going on? Why doesn’t he want to be with me every second?”
I need to stop making things so hard for myself, eh?
[Reply]
Posted at June 23, 2009 on 1:37am.
4
miku at http://mikuchuuu.blogspot.com
Oh, so you need to find a real man (which most girls who leave their apartments are looking for). You know a real man, he’s confident enough to not be scared of your own independence. But unfortunately for us who venture outside of our apartment they are rare and elusive, some even say extinct like the Tasmanian tiger. So, most of us settle for boys older than us but with the maturity level of a teenage boy. It’s a sad world we live in.
[Reply]
SassyGirl Reply:
June 23rd, 2009 at 11:45 am
Absolutely! Right now I feel like I’m stuck in an awful limbo where the older men I date don’t take me seriously and the boys my age all act like giant babies.
Would it be terrible if I waited till I was 26 before I started dating? Because right now the landscape isn’t looking so attractive.
[Reply]
Posted at June 23, 2009 on 3:28am.
5
Mimi at http://riyuu.org
It’s dangerous for a girl to be overly submissive and a doormat. The guys end up walking all over you and you’re still sitting there smiling, saying “thank you, come again!”. Uh un, no way. I’m definitely the girl that leaves my apartment.
[Reply]
SassyGirl Reply:
June 23rd, 2009 at 7:12 pm
Haha, it’s true, but it’s so sad that those girls exist at all. It is even sadder when you know/are friends with those girls.
[Reply]
Posted at June 23, 2009 on 12:33pm.
6
v at http://www.complicatedv.wordpress.com
yeah, let me know if you find any of those boys that can handle you. i haven’t been able to find any yet. there’s that sex and the city quote i love so much that goes something along the lines of this: “maybe some women aren’t meant to be tamed, maybe they’re meant to run free until they can find someone to keep up.” hell if i won’t raise my glass to that any day of the week and twice (okay, five times) on a sunday. thanks for stopping by my blog – i can already tell i’m going to be a regular on yours!
[Reply]
SassyGirl Reply:
June 23rd, 2009 at 7:09 pm
I remember that episode! That scene was modeled after “The Way We Were,” but I didn’t really understand the movie until I went back to watch the SATC episode. Anyway, I totally love that line, although sometimes I wonder if I’m counting on it too much. What if I’m resisting some sort of natural taming process? I assume I won’t feel the same when I’m 30 as when I’m 20 – if the same guy came along at different points in my life, will I let myself be tamed? I don’t know.
[Reply]
v Reply:
June 23rd, 2009 at 8:55 pm
i’m not sure if i’ll let myself be tamed either – but i actually think i’m already fairly tame (for the most part). i think the hard part for me will be giving up my independence, answering to someone, and having daily conversations. there’s really no one i like to talk to every day. for the most part, i don’t give a shit how your day was, and mine was long, so i don’t feel like sharing. probably not the best attitude. oh well.
[Reply]
Posted at June 23, 2009 on 3:20pm.
7
Jeanette Benzie at http://jenziebenzie.blogspot.com
I feel like I’m right there with you!
[Reply]
Posted at June 23, 2009 on 5:19pm.
8
Jenna
Pretty nice post. I just stumbled upon your site and wanted to say
that I have really enjoyed browsing your posts. In any case
I’ll be subscribing to your feed and I hope you write again soon!
[Reply]
Posted at June 23, 2009 on 6:33pm.
9
Fran at http://whattheladiessay.blogspot.com/
Thank you for stopping by my blog.
“Right now I feel like I’m stuck in an awful limbo where the older men I date don’t take me seriously and the boys my age all act like giant babies. Would it be terrible if I waited till I was 26 before I started dating? Because right now the landscape isn’t looking so attractive.”
I cannot agree more. Well honestly to me, I would not mind if I waited a few years for the real man, but if the landscape remains unattractive when I am 60, pfffffff…
[Reply]
Posted at June 23, 2009 on 7:04pm.
10
Ari at http://curiousillusion.com
Indeed!
And awww, I remember my shisha days… :o)
[Reply]
Posted at June 24, 2009 on 12:10am.
11
Andhari at http://littleinsomniaclolita.blogspot.com/
I’m so a girl who leaves the apartment, yeap, I hate it when guys are being controling. Rather not be in that type of relationship.
[Reply]
Posted at June 24, 2009 on 12:49am.
12
Sarah at http://www.sapporosarah.blogspot.com
Wow your blog is so interesting. This is gonna be a ridiculously dumb one because I’m on the subway home reading your blog and I’m distracted!
[Reply]
Posted at June 24, 2009 on 3:55am.
13
SavvyD at http://www.SavvySingleChristian.blogspot.com
I know how you feel, girl. In one of my posts even the mosquitoes don’t bit me and I wonder if they are male. I can’t even get a nibble from a male mosquito. WHAAAAAT?! Actually what happened is that I have a new detergent I’m using that is scented with Citronella.
[Reply]
SassyGirl Reply:
June 24th, 2009 at 10:14 am
Citronella scented detergent? Seriously? They have that? I want some! I always get bitten by TONS of mosquitoes when I go camping :(
[Reply]
SavvyD Reply:
June 25th, 2009 at 4:59 pm
It’s called Spuma di Champagna and is available at some health food stores.
[Reply]
Posted at June 24, 2009 on 5:30am.
14
Nikolett at http://better-than-coffee.blogspot.com/
Gah, those guys who want to control in relationships are so old school. Nowadays, I think relationships are all about balance and letting each other be, but also wanting to be with each other. It’s hard to find a guy who understands that concept, for sure. I’ll definitely stop by your blog more often :)
[Reply]
Posted at June 24, 2009 on 12:59pm.
15
Rabbit at http://rabbitwrite.com
Hell of LOL!
Love this convo and your writing. Very fresh voice!
[Reply]
Posted at June 24, 2009 on 2:13pm.