Girl and City

Below is an entry written by Ben for the 20-Something-Bloggers Blog Swap. You can find my blog entry on his blog here.

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Before I get started into talking at you, I feel I should introduce myself. My name is Ben, I live in the south of England and I am here today thanks to the wonderful blog swap instituted by 20SB. This is the third time I have taken part in such an event and I find it is a great way to discover new blogs and get to know the people behind them a little better. I usually write over here, and that is where you will find a post by SassyGirl (hence the ‘swap’). This is me (not at all drunk, honest):

I think that writing on someone else’s blog provides a good opportunity to get outside of your usual comfort zone, so I am going to do just that and attempt to talk about women, relationships and maybe even.. feelings. Obviously this can be touchy subject with a lot of men, as we tend to live by the rule that it is more convenient to pretend we don’t get emotional about things and that if we do, then the best course of action is to ignore it until it becomes impossible to live with. Now we all know that this strategy isn’t particularly effective and it tends to cause more trouble than its worth, but I guess most feel it is a case of better the devil you know. Personally I would like to think that I am a little more open than that, but I am still guilty of plenty of the above.

There are a few things you should know about me. Firstly I am single, and I have always been pretty happy being single. I’ve never been in what I’d call a ‘serious’ relationship, which at 24 sometimes feels a little strange. I guess I have always been comfortable in my own company, which I consider a positive thing (if you aren’t comfortable with yourself, how is another person really going to make that better?). I have also never been the type of person to actively pursue women, which I think is something I need to work on a bit. I have no intentions of becoming a sex pest, but I suspect I am generally a little too passive. If you have ever been in a bar and had a guy make eye contact with you across the room and smile, but then not come over and talk to you, then you probably know what I mean. I’m that guy.

Of course it doesn’t help that I have something of an aversion to small talk, unless I’m in particularly buoyant mood, in which case I’ll make idle chatter with pretty much anyone. Anyway, if you have ever lived in a university town as a student then you will probably know how asking the same questions over and over (where do you study? what do you study?) can get old quickly. That covers a lot of how I feel about small talk. Then there is the fact that trying hard not to come across as a complete ass often results in exactly that. There is nothing better than nervous energy for connecting the wrong part of your brain to your mouth. In some ways it is even worse to watch this happening to someone else than it is when it happens to you. I have actually physically pulled friends out of a conversation mid-sentence for this very reason. After a short explanation they have usually thanked me for my actions.

So to any women reading, if a guy approaches you and says something unbelievably stupid then consider that it was likely largely involuntary and was probably as big a surprise to him as it was to you. Try not to give him a look that gives him the impression he has just grown a second head. However, if he says something that makes him sound like a cocky douchebag, then I think you can take that at face value.

Oh, and if you see me in a bar and I smile at you, come and talk to me.

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Ladies, doesn’t Ben sound like a cutie? Leave him some love here.