The Crush and The Doorknob
4 Dec
If you’ve been following my Twitter, you’ll know that I officially have a crush! This is incredibly exciting, because I haven’t had a “real” crush (i.e. a crush on a guy who is actually available) in over two years!
For all intents and purposes, his name is PLB and he is so cute. Why is he my preordained lover? Because someone I met over a year ago had tried to match us up before I ever met him! She was a friend I’d made in the first week of TheBusinessSchool, and when she heard I was “single and looking,” she started gushing about this incredibly sweet boy in her class. For whatever reason, she wasn’t interested in him herself, but she thought the two of us would be perfect together. I lost touch with her, but when I met PLB earlier this year, I remembered what she had said. It seemed she had told him about me too, because when we met, he asked me if I knew her.
Perhaps it was because we were pre-disposed to the idea that we might make a good couple, or perhaps we really are fated to be together, either way, we got along swimmingly. I met him around recruiting season, so I asked him if he wanted to practice case interviews together. It was weird to be alone with him so soon after we’d met, but we became comfortable with each other quickly. He’s quite disarming. Pretty soon, it felt like we had been friends for ages.
Now comes the good news, and the bad news. The good news is that he seemed totally into me. The bad news is that the more he flirted, the more nervous I felt around him, and the more I closed up. You could say I was playing hard to get, but I wasn’t playing anything. It might have actually been better if I was playing, but I had no strategy, no game plan. I just was hard to get – my own fault, and as a result, he probably thought I was indifferent towards him (which couldn’t be further from the truth).
After recruiting season ended, I rarely saw him. We could no longer use interviews as an excuse to see each other or commiserate together. Also, when he found out I had gotten a job offer in Singapore, it probably bummed him out. After all, he had only had a few interviews that led nowhere, and this prestigious job offer only made me seem more inaccessible to him.
Recently, however, we’ve been in contact again. It started with running into each other a few times at dinner parties and bar nights. I would always hug him when I saw him to demonstrate how close our friendship could be. But he never sought me out at these events, so I didn’t put much hope in it. At the bar last Thursday, I ran into him again and while we were talking, he put his arm around me because I was cold. His hand was even colder than my skin, so I took his hand with mine to try to warm it up. It was a reflex, I wasn’t even thinking about flirting. But in the days afterward, I couldn’t stop thinking about it.
He might have felt the same way, because now when we run into each other, there’s this energy between us. There’s more play-fighting and physical contact1. But I am such a huge doorknob when it comes to flirting that I totally missed my chance to go out with him:
Him: I didn’t know you were so into food [after seeing my food blog]. Have you tried Restaurant X?
Me: makes a face. Yeah, I’ve been there once. My bulgogi was burnt. It was pretty terrible.
Him: Oh.
Me: But I’ve heard they have good soup. Maybe I just ordered the wrong thing…
Him: Yeah, they do have really good soup. We should go there for dinner sometime.
Me: Oh, maybe. Sees someone running by that I haven’t seen in a while, and starts talking to him enthusiastically.
I really didn’t mean for the conversation to have gone that way, but it somehow did. When he mentioned us going to the restaurant together sometime, his tone was so casual that I completely missed it! At the same time, I saw KEB run by. I had a question for him, so I ended up ignoring PLB and talking to KEB enthusiastically. After KEB walked away, PLB was totally jealous and threw a little fit about how I was overenthusiastic in my conversation with KEB2. That was when it hit me (yeah, delayed reaction, I know) how I had nonchalantly ignored PLB‘s invitation to go to dinner with him.
Needless to say, when I replayed the conversation in my head, I immediately proceeded to bang my head against the nearest wall.
Luckily, all is not lost, even for a huge doorknob like me. After going to see Where the Wild Things Are, with KEB no less3, I sent a simple one-word text to PLB – just to show him that I was thinking about him even when I was with KEB. A few minutes later, he texted back – hurray! I had redeemed myself, slightly.
The next night, I was thinking about him again but I didn’t want to always be the first one texting him. If he was into me, he should text me! I was starting to feel indignant when I checked my phone and realized he had already texted me, over an hour ago! Hurray!
Between the emails he had sent me during recruiting season (my bad for not replying), asking me to have dinner with him (my bad for ignoring him), and texting me (my bad for having my phone on silent), I’m thinking I have a pretty good chance with this one.
I just have to stop being such a doorknob!
- Although I always avoid his physical contact as part of our play-fighting, even though I really, really want his arms around me again. Why do I play so hard to get? Geez, I even frustrate myself. [↩]
- He might have also been jealous because I was going to see a movie with KEB that night. [↩]
- Not a date though, really. [↩]
omG he seems totally into you! The whole thing about you talking so over-entusiastically with KEB got to him and he didn’t even mind showing it! And the dinner bit? He’s so asking you out…
you know the best way to stop being a doorknob is to stop worrying about it. Every time you’re with him, if you’re going to worry about messing it up then you’ll be so conscious of it that you won’t be able to concentrate on your conversations. I say, just let it go.. hope things work out!
I KNOW RIGHT??
*swoon*
It’s been so long since I’ve actually liked a boy, and even longer since a boy I actually liked liked me back. Woo.
Ok, so I’m no dating expert (obviously). But I totally think it’s ok to be more assertive on this one! He’s a nice guy, you can tell he’s into you, you’re into him, don’t let it slip by! If I were you, I would emphasis how much you want to hang out with him and get to know him more, but confide that you spaced out a little (you can even play up being an airhead so he doesn’t feel bad, since you really didn’t want to reject him). Fight through any shyness or awkwardness and I hope it all goes well! I will be eagerly waiting to hear how it goes :)
That’s what my friend told me too.
She also determined that I am TERRIBLE at text-message-flirting, which is something I really need to work on considering our primary mode of communication is texting.
Also I am totally impatient for us to actually start dating, since the holidays are just around the corner and I don’t want whatever we have to cool off and start over in January. So I need need need to be more assertive.
Go for it!! :D
Dayyymn. I wish I had a crush!! Been so long now. LOL. Take it easy, and text him whenever you want to, so he has more confidence to do the same! xD
My girl friend told me I should be flirting with him via text messages, but all my text messages are devoid of feeling. They sound like I’m texting my parents.
Bahhh.
awww so cute!!! go for it. let loose, live life (or whatever they always say) :P
as for me, i’m un-crushing myself from this boy that i have a crush on. hehe. oh well.
thanks for visiting my blog :)
sounds like perfect crush material- how often do you find a guy who’s (a) nice; and (b) single? (the daydreaming just doesn’t work as well if he’s got a gf :P)
i don’t know what the appropriate well-wishing phrase is in this situation- good luck? happy crush-ing? ehh…let’s just say that i hope things go swimmingly well- and don’t we all have those doorknob moments :P
Tell me about it! b) single is very important!