Girl and City

I don’t usually take much notice of old couples. Well, let’s be honest, I don’t usually take much notice of old people in general. It’s nothing prejudicial, it’s just that I don’t have much in common with them except that we’re all homo sapiens sapiens, and I’m not going to apologize for finding H. s. sapiens closer to my age more interesting.

But today, as I was walking to the grocery store, I noticed a couple walking in the opposite direction. They were probably in their early 60s, so they were still quite robust. He was wearing a yellow and gray ski jacket, she was wearing a red parka. They looked like they belonged on “What Not To Wear.”

But that’s not what struck me about them. They were walking side by side, holding hands, matching each other’s strides.
And it made me think of Phoebe’s line from Friends: “He’s her lobster!”

According to Phoebe, lobsters find a mate for life, and when they’re old, they walk around their tank holding claws. While this claim is highly doubtful, it feels like it could be true. Up until a couple years ago, I believed that it was. I thought that if I could just find my Lobster, I would be content for the rest of my life. My Lobster would be there for me, holding my hand tightly, even when I started looking more and more like a corpse.

Then, life happened. Destroyed my only pair of rose-tinted glasses. I haven’t been the same since. I’m no longer a loyal advocate of the True Love theory. I don’t even know if I believe in happy endings anymore. And quite frankly, I don’t like seafood.

But today, I saw two lobsters holding each other’s claws, walking side by side towards their future, come what may. And a piece of my heart fell back into place.

The first boy to ever profess his love for me was in kindergarten. He stood under my building every morning and yelled my name until I came down. This was, according to my parents, normal in our neighbourhood. We’d walk to school together hand in hand, he’d share his favourite hiding spots with me, and bring me the best rocks he could find. In class, when the teacher asked for volunteers, he’d always grab my hand and throw it in the air, and glared at anyone else who wanted to volunteer. He saved me his favourite part of his lunch, because he knew I hated the school lunch.

And then I came to Canada, and I left him and his rocks behind.

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I was in love once.
For 15 months.

The incredible thing is that he loved me too.
Crazy, right? I know.

So why did I break his heart?

Sometimes I look back on it and wonder if I did the right thing. Being with him was the happiest time of my life. He understood me in ways that I never expected anyone could. Literally, he would say a sentence with the exact same words that are about to come out of my mouth. When we first met and barely knew each other, our friends would always joke that we were like long-lost twins, because we always said the exact same thing at the same time, and then there would be a silence where we’d look at each other and everyone would burst into giggles.

He knew me so well. He was always there for me and he always knew just what I needed. He’d bring me food on days when I’m particularly stressed; he’d leave things in my locker to cheer me up – especially if we couldn’t see each other that day; all this unprompted. I never knew how he knew which days I needed his support the most, but somehow, he knew.
True love or psychic?

Sometimes I thought he might be my soul mate. But I never told him that. Just like I never told him I loved him.
I still remember the first time he said those three words. And I kind of just… froze. I never expected to hear him say that to me out of nowhere. He’s not the kind of guy to make the first move. I always felt like I was the man in the relationship in that way.

But that day, he said “I love you.”

No ifs, buts, or whens. Just, “I love you.”
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