Girl and City

On Saturday night, WAF and I went to M2 where my friends from TheBusinessSchool, MBB and SFG, had a table with some of MBB‘s friends. The club had a decent-sized dance floor and an even more decent-sized crowd. On one side of the dance floor was a raised platform upon which Lady Gaga-esque back-up dancers (I think they were paid dancers) were shaking their booties to top 40 hits. All night long the booze kept flowing, we had an endless supply of Grey Goose vodka and Johnnie Walker Black Label whiskey. Amazing!

LAC was a friend of a friend’s and arrived a little after we did. I saw him standing next to the table with nowhere to sit, so I asked the two girls beside me to scooch in so he could have a seat. I hadn’t even been introduced to him or gotten a proper look at him, and the opened-up seat wouldn’t be beside me, so it was clear I wasn’t doing it to sit next to him and flirt. I was just being nice. I knew what it felt like to arrive at a party and only know one other person and stand awkwardly on the outside. He did notice me for my nice act though, and half an hour later, when a seat opened up next to me, he sat down and introduced himself. It was only at this point that I noticed how cute he was. He was Cantonese but raised in L.A., and now he was working in Shanghai. He spoke Cantonese, English, enough Mandarin to get by, a bit of Spanish (because of LA), and a bit of French (because his grandparents were living in Ottawa). We were only chatting harmlessly for a few minutes when WAF came over to ask me if I wanted to go dance. I assumed I would excuse myself to the dance floor and come back in a few minutes, but he surprised me by getting up and taking my hand. He was coming with me? I led him on the dance floor and when I turned around, I saw that WAF had not followed us. A few minutes later, she appeared with MBB‘s best guy friend. Apparently she had felt the need to grab a dancing partner at the last minute. I couldn’t blame her. Unfortunately, MBB‘s best friend was not into her at all and barely danced; his disinterest was so immediately obvious that I don’t know how she got him to go to the dance floor with her in the first place.

LAC was not a great dancer by any stretch of the imagination, but at least he didn’t create his own rhythm to interfere with the music. Nonetheless, I avoided the dance floor most of the night and we just sat at the table, talking and cuddling. WAF was miffed that I found arm-candy so quickly, but I wasn’t worried that she would be able to find her own. By some strange twist, she couldn’t, and almost ended up making out with my friend, MBB.

LAC wasn’t very talkative and I noticed that he asked very few questions about me. But I had no doubt he was into me because he asked for my number very quickly and was physically keeping me next to him. Maybe he wasn’t a talker but his actions told me enough. He was among the hottest guy I’ve ever picked up, and he was also among the sweetest. When I couldn’t find my clutch¹, he walked around the whole club with me twice to look for it. He didn’t seem as concerned as I was, but in the end, it was still he who found it. He asked me to go outside with him, and we sat outside the club for a long time just talking. When he kissed me, he didn’t try to stick his tongue down my throat. Instead, his lips were soft and surprisingly gentle. (more…)

1. I had left it with MBB and they had moved tables and I couldn’t find the new table. [↩]

Part of 30 Days of Me.

I’ve been blogging for eight years, so you can imagine that I’ve gained and lost a lot of readers during that time. A few of my readers have been following me for up to six years, which is longer than I’ve known some of my closest friends. In addition to commenting on blogs, I have also gotten to know readers through email, chat messenger, snail mail, and occasionally, in person. Today I’m going to talk about one reader in particular with whom I have done all these things.

I stumbled upon PJ‘s blog in 2004 through the blog of her (real-life) friend, Tatiana. PJ was a very consistent commenter, and seemed to take a genuine interest in my life. After a year of following each other’s blogs, we became penpals. We wrote each other embarrassingly long letters every few weeks, and this lasted for several months. We even sent each other birthday presents by post.
At the time, PJ was studying in Vancouver, but in 2007, she transferred to Ontario for university to be closer to her boyfriend. So I took a bus to her university and finally met her. We spent the afternoon chatting and catching up with each other’s lives as if we’d known each other all along. Although she was not what I expected (I don’t really know what I expected), we got along extremely well and she remains one of the sweetest people I have ever known.
In 2008, she moved in with her boyfriend in UniversityTown, so we saw more of each other. We even had a baking party at her house, and that was when I met her boyfriend.
She had just gotten engaged when I first met her in 2007. I didn’t expect to be included in her wedding, but she ended up inviting me to her wedding shower, bachelorette party, and wedding. At her wedding shower, I also met Tatiana, the girl whose blog I had read in 2004.
In the summer of 2009, PJ had a small wedding of about 100 people in a country club on the outskirts of the City. I felt so honoured to be included in her special day and to be among the most important people in her life.

Looking back, it’s unbelievable how a few comments in 2004 sparked this friendship. Unlike my real-life friends, I am not worried about what my move to Singapore will do to this friendship; I know this friendship will withstand the test of time and distance because we have overcome that already. We did not become friends out of context or convenience. We made a commitment to each other when we were total strangers because we related to each other on a deeper level.

PJ is one of two bloggers I have met in real life. I also email/chat regularly with three people I met through my blog. Most of these relationships span over three years. Considering how important anonymity is for me as a blogger, this is quite a lot. Soon, I will be adding two more to the list, as I will be meeting The Girl is Goosed in Shanghai (and staying with her, in fact!) and hopefully meeting Nashe in Singapore.

These experiences, seeing someone make such a commitment to a total stranger, gives me faith in the human race. It also reaffirms my belief in the power of blogs. Blogging is not just for entertainment. When you share yourself truthfully with the world, the people who respond are ones who identify with you, regardless of background or context. And that can be a very powerful thing.

So I am very grateful to readers who comment, not just for the two-way communication, but because it leaves me in awe of the empathy and sympathy in this world.

Have you ever formed “real” friendships with readers of your blog or blogs that you read?

At 6pm on Tuesday, I rushed from CDR‘s downtown condo, where we had all been gathered for an Ikea-furniture-assembly party, to the poshest part of the City to meet friends from The Business School for dinner. As I exited the metro, I slipped off my ballerina flats for a pair of simple black pumps, and immediately, I was dressed for a semi-formal meal.

I arrived to find TM and BPB waiting for me at the bar. TM handed me a colourful striped box.
“What’s in it?” I asked him.
“Read the tag,” he said with a smile.
I flipped over the tag on the box. You drink, right? It read.
“Is this what I think it is? Is it a bottle of Gewurtzraminer?” TM had found out my favourite white was Gewurtzraminer during our Europe trip. I was pleased he remembered.
“I know you love it.”
“I do! Thank you!” I gave him a hug.

I hadn’t seen BPB in a long time, since he had been on exchange in Hong Kong all semester. I turned to him and gave him a hug too.

Moments later, the rest of the party streamed in, including Jasmine and Vin Diesel, carrying a huge bouquet of flowers. I had never received flowers from a non-boyfriend before. And the bouquet had white calla lilies, which looked so beautiful and elegant. Of my Europe trip-mates, Jack Sparrow was the only one who couldn’t make it, but he sent me a text: “You are one of my favourite Asians.” Coming from him, that meant a lot.

Dinner was quite pleasant, and although the Italian food was not as good as what we’d had in Italy, it certainly reminded me of it, and that was enough. After dinner, we went to a penthouse lounge nearby for some champagne and astonishing views of the City.

The entire night, I made sure to spend some time talking to each person, and the more I chatted, the more it dawned on me how strong my roots in the City really were. When I’d chatted with PHB a few weeks ago, he had told me to see Singapore as not only a new chapter in my life, but also an opportunity for a fresh start. When I heard that, I was reminded of how excited I used to be when I was a little girl every time I switched schools (which was quite often). Every time I went to a new school, I had the opportunity to re-invent myself. If I wasn’t very popular in my last school, no problem, this time I would make the right friends and start anew.
But it’s different now. I’m not looking for a fresh start. I like who I am here, and I like my friends here. I don’t feel frustrated or suffocated such that I need to get away, that wasn’t the reason I took this job. I took this job because it was a rare opportunity to challenge myself, but that doesn’t mean I won’t miss what I have here, who I am in this City. For the first time in my life, I had established roots.

And here I am picking up my life and moving.

At the end of this month, I’m headed to Asia.

I know, I know, I just came back from Europe and I’m traveling again? Well, yes. On what money? Haven’t figured that out yet.

I’m going to Nanjing first, to see my grandma and close relatives. Then I’m going to Shanghai for a week with WAF. If you’ve been following me on Twitter, you’ll know how excited I was to book our hotel in Shanghai, because it’s in a super good location and it was also super cheap – only $180 CAD for four nights! Ridiculous, I know. This is why I love traveling in China, it makes me feel rich even when I have never felt poorer¹.
WAF is excited to go clubbing in Shanghai, and frankly I am too, because I’ve never been to Shanghai without my parents/relatives. I’m sure it’ll be a very different experience to go with a friend, as adults, than my childhood visits. I’m a little anxious though, given WAF‘s track-record on going out. I tried to talk to her about some ground rules for our own protection, but I don’t think I’ll be able to control her. She told me flat out that she is looking to get laid, but what am I going to do if she leaves me alone in the club and goes home with some guy? And how am I going to make sure the guy returns her to me the next morning, alive and relatively unscathed? I am never as trusting around strangers when I’m traveling, especially when I don’t have male companions, but WAF is like a (drunken) train wreck with Daddy Issues stamped on her forehead, just asking for trouble. Luckily we’re only in Shanghai for four days so that limits the number of guys she can sleep with amount of mischief she can get up to.

From Shanghai, we’ll be flying to Hong Kong together, and I’ll be staying with FBB. FBB is the guy I am supposed to marry. My parents and his parents arranged our marriage when I was born (I know, what century are we living in, right?). I have never met him, although I’ve met his parents a few times and I like them. So maybe I will like him too, who knows?

FBB and I have exchanged emails from time to time since he’s an investment banker and I was going through recruiting and I had a lot of questions for him and his kind (before I settled on consulting). We have not talked about our parents’ ridiculous marriage arrangement though; I don’t think either of us take it seriously. And if we don’t talk about it, maybe it won’t be real. Right?

Originally, I was only going to Hong Kong because NB was getting an apartment there (he starts work there next month) and said I’d be welcome to crash at his place any time. But when I actually confirmed the dates with him to book my ticket, NB withdrew his invitation because his girlfriend would also be staying with him at that time. I was pretty bummed until… I remembered FBB had also offered, a year ago, accommodation should I ever go to Hong Kong. But it has been so long and I didn’t know if he was serious or just being polite. Well, he was surprisingly eager to host me when I mentioned I wanted to go to Hong Kong in August, and long story short, I will be spending a week in Hong Kong in the apartment of my potential future husband.

Arranged marriages can be useful after all.

1. This is the first time in four years that I don’t have an income, and my bank account has been so depleted after Europe. [↩]

There’s a joke in my Business School that while some people were there to get their HBA (Honours Bachelor of Arts), others were there to get their MRS (married).

A week after exams were over, one of our peers posted an inconspicuously titled photo album on Facebook: “Wedding Photos.”

Coco¹ was, apparently, getting both her HBA and MRS.

Most people said congratulations. I did not say anything, since I don’t know her that well. I was still reeling from shock that the girl I saw in class a few days ago was married.

And not just to anyone. She was married to a multi-millionaire. Practically Hungarian royalty. (more…)

1. All names have been replaced with fictional names. [↩]