I’ve been blogging for eight years, so you can imagine that I’ve gained and lost a lot of readers during that time. A few of my readers have been following me for up to six years, which is longer than I’ve known some of my closest friends. In addition to commenting on blogs, I have also gotten to know readers through email, chat messenger, snail mail, and occasionally, in person. Today I’m going to talk about one reader in particular with whom I have done all these things.

I stumbled upon PJ‘s blog in 2004 through the blog of her (real-life) friend, Tatiana. PJ was a very consistent commenter, and seemed to take a genuine interest in my life. After a year of following each other’s blogs, we became penpals. We wrote each other embarrassingly long letters every few weeks, and this lasted for several months. We even sent each other birthday presents by post.
At the time, PJ was studying in Vancouver, but in 2007, she transferred to Ontario for university to be closer to her boyfriend. So I took a bus to her university and finally met her. We spent the afternoon chatting and catching up with each other’s lives as if we’d known each other all along. Although she was not what I expected (I don’t really know what I expected), we got along extremely well and she remains one of the sweetest people I have ever known.
In 2008, she moved in with her boyfriend in UniversityTown, so we saw more of each other. We even had a baking party at her house, and that was when I met her boyfriend.
She had just gotten engaged when I first met her in 2007. I didn’t expect to be included in her wedding, but she ended up inviting me to her wedding shower, bachelorette party, and wedding. At her wedding shower, I also met Tatiana, the girl whose blog I had read in 2004.
In the summer of 2009, PJ had a small wedding of about 100 people in a country club on the outskirts of the City. I felt so honoured to be included in her special day and to be among the most important people in her life.

Looking back, it’s unbelievable how a few comments in 2004 sparked this friendship. Unlike my real-life friends, I am not worried about what my move to Singapore will do to this friendship; I know this friendship will withstand the test of time and distance because we have overcome that already. We did not become friends out of context or convenience. We made a commitment to each other when we were total strangers because we related to each other on a deeper level.

PJ is one of two bloggers I have met in real life. I also email/chat regularly with three people I met through my blog. Most of these relationships span over three years. Considering how important anonymity is for me as a blogger, this is quite a lot. Soon, I will be adding two more to the list, as I will be meeting The Girl is Goosed in Shanghai (and staying with her, in fact!) and hopefully meeting Nashe in Singapore.

These experiences, seeing someone make such a commitment to a total stranger, gives me faith in the human race. It also reaffirms my belief in the power of blogs. Blogging is not just for entertainment. When you share yourself truthfully with the world, the people who respond are ones who identify with you, regardless of background or context. And that can be a very powerful thing.

So I am very grateful to readers who comment, not just for the two-way communication, but because it leaves me in awe of the empathy and sympathy in this world.

Have you ever formed “real” friendships with readers of your blog or blogs that you read?

I deserve it, I mean I knew better. For some reason, the fact that I was transferring the domain within the same host gave me a misplaced sense of security such that I completely forgot the need to do a thorough backup.

Anyway, I have some entries saved in various places, so I will painstakingly try to reconstruct what entries I can. Your comments, however, are lost to the netherspace. My apologies.

Will get back to my regularly schedule blogging in a few clicks. Thank you for your cooperation.

Edit: I am a genius! Somehow, I managed to get all my entries and comments and pages and links back! Yes, it took a few hours of fiddling with SQL tables, but I did it! I am so impressed with myself right now, can you tell?

Don’t get me wrong, I’m sure these girls will still tell wickedly funny stories about their lives as newlyweds, because let’s face it, these girls are bat-shit crazy and getting married doesn’t take that out of you.

But unfortunately there will be no more posts about bizarre men who date you via text messaging, or ask if they can pee on you halfway through intercourse, or cry to your mother every time you have an argument.
And as traumatic as some of these experiences are, you have to admit, there is a lot of entertainment value there.

So this is for all the single girls. Thank you for blogging, for sharing your hilarious (and often ridiculous) stories about life and love. Thank you for not giving up on finding love, despite experiences with a verifiable buffet of jerks, freaks, and mama’s boys. Thank you for sticking around on bad dates, thinking to yourself, “This will make great material for my blog!” Thank you for supporting each other through rough patches. I don’t think the rest of the people in our lives can understand how comforting it is to commiserate via blog with someone we have never met, but we get it. We get it.

To my married girl friends, you know I think you’re awesome and always will be. I may whine, but I will continue reading your blogs, as long as you don’t write entries on how your husband snores in bed. I have my limits.

1. Seriously, there’s been a sudden influx, what’s with that? Is it because it’s spring, mating season is here?

Edit: Congratulations to maxie and birdie, the winners of Package A and B respectively. I have contacted you by email. Thank you to everyone for participating and happy holidays!

Since I’m moving halfway around the world next year, and I am a chronic sale-aholic, I have amassed a lot of things that I need to get rid of sometime between now and August 2010. Plus, I’m in a giving mood this week – why not have a giveaway?

Unfortunately, it is very difficult for me to give away clothes or shoes because sizes are a pain to coordinate. But I can give away some cosmetics. Granted, I only started buying cosmetics a year ago, so my make-up collection is not actually that excessive, but there are still a few items that I bought and never used because I decided I didn’t like the colour or the texture or what have you.

PACKAGE A

Smashbox Liquid Eyeliner in “Jet Set Bronze”	Shiseido Creamy Eyeshadow Duo in “Skin into Stone Rose Lunaire”
Shiseido Concealer “Dark”	Smashbox Lip Gloss in “Full Color” (top)
Giovanni Nail Polish – Metallic Peach	Cutex Nail Polish – Vibrant Red
McBlooms Extremely Rich Cream Body Lotion	H&M Three Stacked Gold Rings

PACKAGE B

Elizabeth Arden Liquid Eyeliner in “Black”	Smashbox Lip Gloss in “True Color” (bottom)
ELF Compact with 2 eyeshadows (white and bronze), 1 lip gloss (dark mauve), and 1 blush (rose)	Vichy Intensive Cleansing Milk and Vichy Hydra-Fresh Detoxifying Toner
Gap Color Nail Polish – Red Sparkles	FOF Nail Polish – Metallic Light Magenta
Rose Ring (leather)

How to Enter

The giveaway will end December 27 at midnight. So unfortunately, you won’t receive these items until after Christmas, but think of it as a late Christmas present to look forward to! I will use a random generator to pick a name for Package A and a name for Package B.

1 comment = 1 entry
1 entry on your blog/tumblr/twitter with a link here = 1 additional entry
1 link on your blogroll = 1 additional entry

Please leave only one comment with your preferred package, and let me know if you have linked me elsewhere for an additional entry (you do not have to link this entry, linking my site http://girlandcity.com counts). Make sure you leave an active email address, because I will contact you via email to get your mailing address. All international participants are welcome!

Have a sassy December everyone!

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Before I get started into talking at you, I feel I should introduce myself. My name is Ben, I live in the south of England and I am here today thanks to the wonderful blog swap instituted by 20SB. This is the third time I have taken part in such an event and I find it is a great way to discover new blogs and get to know the people behind them a little better. I usually write over here, and that is where you will find a post by SassyGirl (hence the ‘swap’). This is me (not at all drunk, honest):

I think that writing on someone else’s blog provides a good opportunity to get outside of your usual comfort zone, so I am going to do just that and attempt to talk about women, relationships and maybe even.. feelings. Obviously this can be touchy subject with a lot of men, as we tend to live by the rule that it is more convenient to pretend we don’t get emotional about things and that if we do, then the best course of action is to ignore it until it becomes impossible to live with. Now we all know that this strategy isn’t particularly effective and it tends to cause more trouble than its worth, but I guess most feel it is a case of better the devil you know. Personally I would like to think that I am a little more open than that, but I am still guilty of plenty of the above.

There are a few things you should know about me. Firstly I am single, and I have always been pretty happy being single. I’ve never been in what I’d call a ‘serious’ relationship, which at 24 sometimes feels a little strange. I guess I have always been comfortable in my own company, which I consider a positive thing (if you aren’t comfortable with yourself, how is another person really going to make that better?). I have also never been the type of person to actively pursue women, which I think is something I need to work on a bit. I have no intentions of becoming a sex pest, but I suspect I am generally a little too passive. If you have ever been in a bar and had a guy make eye contact with you across the room and smile, but then not come over and talk to you, then you probably know what I mean. I’m that guy.

Of course it doesn’t help that I have something of an aversion to small talk, unless I’m in particularly buoyant mood, in which case I’ll make idle chatter with pretty much anyone. Anyway, if you have ever lived in a university town as a student then you will probably know how asking the same questions over and over (where do you study? what do you study?) can get old quickly. That covers a lot of how I feel about small talk. Then there is the fact that trying hard not to come across as a complete ass often results in exactly that. There is nothing better than nervous energy for connecting the wrong part of your brain to your mouth. In some ways it is even worse to watch this happening to someone else than it is when it happens to you. I have actually physically pulled friends out of a conversation mid-sentence for this very reason. After a short explanation they have usually thanked me for my actions.

So to any women reading, if a guy approaches you and says something unbelievably stupid then consider that it was likely largely involuntary and was probably as big a surprise to him as it was to you. Try not to give him a look that gives him the impression he has just grown a second head. However, if he says something that makes him sound like a cocky douchebag, then I think you can take that at face value.

Oh, and if you see me in a bar and I smile at you, come and talk to me.

—

Ladies, doesn’t Ben sound like a cutie? Leave him some love here.

I am passing this award on to:
Connie, even though she hasn’t updated her blog in a BILLION YEARS, because she is my ever-so-witty internet twin who sends me funny emails and gchats from time to time.
Courtney, because she is the sweetest girl ever who checks in on me from time to time like the sister I never had and reads all my blog entries and leaves the most encouraging comments. <3
Jen, because I have known her since I first started blogging and she has always been a loyal blog buddy.

—
Mayaari is also having a giveaway! Full of awesome things like fake lashes and jumbo eye pencils that I desperately need!

Speaking of things I need, Narita is also giving out loads of MAC goodies!

Thank you blogosphere, for being oh so generous in these hard economic times! Muah! xoxo

The goals of this award…
1. As a dedication to those who love blogging and love to encourage friendships through blogging
2. To seek the reasons why we all love blogging
3. Put the award in one post as soon as you receive it!
4. Don’t forget to mention the person who gave you the award
5. Answer the awards question by writing the reason you love blogging

I love blogging because I have a ton of stories and I love sharing them with others. Under the anonymous embrace of the Internet, I can do so without feeling restricted in my analysis of the people or events. Plus, it’s a great way to make friends, and bloggers make good friends :)

6. Tag and distribute this award to as many people as you like
7. Don’t forget to notify the award receivers and put their links in your post

I’m tagging:
by teresa wu
Confessions of a Twenty Something Year Old
Live It, Love It
More is Better

And then I discovered something called “giveaways.” I’ve never participated in a giveaway before, but today I stumbled upon two. Sassy Jadore’s giveaway and AbcGrrrL’s giveaway.
You’re probably thinking, “Where have you been all this time? How can you be so interested by giveaways?” Maybe this phenomenon is normal for all of you folks, but I don’t encounter this everyday. I had to investigate who these people were that were giving stuff away for free.

As I started reading Sassy Jadore‘s profile, I thought, “This girl could be my BFF!” We have similar cyber names¹, we both love Korean dramas and Korean music, we both subscribe to the ‘fashion > makeup’ belief, and her blog plays music by Lady GaGa. Plus, she lives in San Francisco, the city I hope to move to one day. I am kind of jealous. Did I also mention she’s giving stuff away to strangers for free? She must be one cool chica.

I discovered a similar phenomenon with ABCGrrrl. She shops in Japantown, loves mochi and other Asian sweets, one of her favourite movies is Slumdog Millionaire, and she became RL friends with bloggers.

The result of my investigation? I think giveaway bloggers are my new BFFs.

1. Although I suspect this may be because we both watched – and loved – My Sassy Girl. Nonetheless, the fact that we both identified with the heroine shows we’re meant to be.

Him: Honestly, I wouldn’t worry about the mark too much.
Me: It’s not just about the mark. If I deserved this mark, I wouldn’t be feeling so frustrated right now. But I don’t! Our team did so well. This marking rubric is completely unjust!
Him: But you know he’s not going to change the mark. And honestly, this mark means nothing in the larger picture. When you’re looking for a job, they’re going to be looking at all the other things. Do you have extra-curriculars?
Me: Yes! But –
Him: Are you likable? I’ll answer that, YES. Are you smart? Yes. You have so much going for you, what are you worried about?

It was then that I noticed how beautiful his eyes were. They were a light shade of green, and I felt like I could lose myself looking into their brilliance. I had to look away. His eyes were like an eclipse. How could I argue with him? He, the boy whose eyes made me want to melt, was telling me that I was a sweet, smart, capable girl who was above these meaningless numbers. Frankly, even if he had told me I was an ugly, stupid ogre, I still would have found it hard to argue with him. I quickly finished the conversation and escaped from his gaze lest my legs should collapse beneath me.
The strange thing is that I had never been attracted to him until that moment. He was actually on my floor in residence in first year, so it’s not like I’ve never seen him before. If someone had asked me who I thought the cutest boy in my class was, he wouldn’t have even crossed my mind. So I was thoroughly surprised to realize that my legs felt weak when I looked into his eyes. I was uncertain that this was really the case – maybe I was just tired that day? – so I confirmed it two days later by talking to him during break. Indeed, his eyes had the same noticeable affect on me: quickening heartbeat, shortening of breath, and weak knees. It’s a wonder I could hold a conversation with him at all.

This week, The Business School had a three-day case competition and DEB was in my group. So I have seen more of him in the last three days than I have in the last three months. It’s been wonderful. Even though we’ve only had two prior conversations, I feel like our bond of friendship developed ridiculously quickly. And even though I know he has a girlfriend, I still feel like there’s some chemistry in the air between us. During team deliberations, we’d often lock eyes with each other for no reason and share some secret understanding. I don’t know what it means, so all I do is smile back. I’m almost afraid to push our friendship further because I don’t know if I could handle it. I am in complete infatuation mode. I haven’t been hit this hard since grade 8, and those boys didn’t have nearly as much going for them.

Last night was TBS formal, and DEB brought his girlfriend. I was crushed. I mean, I knew he had a girlfriend, but I wasn’t prepared to see them together. I was there with a date myself, a certain CurlyHairedBoy, who is probably one of the best-looking guys I’ve ever encountered¹. But was there any spark between CHB and I? Nope. None. Instead, my eyes were fixated on DEB. I didn’t even look at his girlfriend. Aside from the fact that she had light-brown hair, I can’t remember anything about her. Instead, all I can remember is how bored DEB looked when he was dancing with her, and how happy he looked when he was dancing with me.
I’m horrible, aren’t I? I’m just like a big fat horrible person.

But yes, DEB danced with me. Because one time, at the weekly TBS bar night (a ritual as old as time itself), DEB and I danced together. There wasn’t a lot of grinding, it was mostly him holding my hands and twirling me around. At the time, I barely knew him. I mean, we’d only had one conversation together. But it was comfortable and fun, and I laughed as he spun me round and round.
So last night, two of our classmates were doing the same on the dance floor, and DEB and I immediately looked at each other. We both knew what had to be done. “Let’s show them how it’s really done.”
He offered me his hand and I took it. He pulled me toward him and then spun me out again. I twirled. I trotted. We danced.
But our dance last night was not as fun as the first time we danced together, mainly because I was apprehensive about his girlfriend. I don’t know if she was watching us or if she had gone to the washroom or something (like I said, my eyes were only on him), but I was afraid she’d come back and see us dancing. I felt guilty. I felt guilty for enjoying it so much. I felt guilty for holding his hand, for dancing with him, for laughing with him. I felt guilty for thinking his eyes were beautiful, his touch warm. I felt guilty for wanting him so badly that I couldn’t think straight.
Later that night, I danced with someone else, and I saw him watching us. I was being twirled and spun and swayed, but it didn’t feel right when it wasn’t DEB. I tried to look happy, I tried to enjoy it, but even then, it was only because I knew he was watching.

For the rest of the night, I sat on the edge of the dance floor and watched DEB. Even though I couldn’t see any chemistry between him and his girlfriend, I had to recognize that they were comfortable with each other. They had been going out for a while now, after all. I watched as she held his hand and led him to the dance floor. I watched them sway together, her head on his shoulder. I watched until I couldn’t watch anymore. Why isn’t that me? I wondered. Why can’t I be the one he’s holding? Why can’t I be the one leaning on him? Why can’t I be the one for him?

I decided it was time to go home. As I was leaving, I ran into DEB and he asked me why I was going home so soon. I looked up at him, our faces only inches apart, and I couldn’t speak. What could I say? It’s because of you. It’s because I’ve fallen so hard for you that seeing you with your girlfriend makes me sick to my stomach. It’s because I’m completely hopeless and pathetic and a horrible person.

On my way home, I stopped at a convenient store and bought ice cream and chips. And then I went home and mended my broken heart with food.

1. The fact that he was my date was more of an accident than anything else. But I agreed because I wanted someone to drive me and he drives a BMW. Apparently, he also has a Porsche GT3 back in The City – and you know how I like ‘em race car boys.

• Did you notice how my grammar and writing got better/neater/cleaner over the years? I try not to edit my archives because I want to preserve the naivety of my childhood entries but MAN are they embarrassing to read! I mean, I’m all for being genuine, but could I make myself sound any more immature?
• Courtney: Believe me, it hurts me to read all that myself. Especially because I had to read those entries individually as I was collecting them – it was like a HUGE dose of emo that I wasn’t really prepared for. I couldn’t work after that. I just kind of sat there, zoned out. It was intense (and kind of trippy actually), but hopefully it’ll be the last time I ever have to go through the whole love-story-then-heartbreak, at least in one sitting. I also think I’ve consumed my weight in chocolate. =/
• Tiff: “Nothing worse than trying to piece together a relationship when it’s falling apart and then trying to piece together the pieces of a broken heart.” Great line! I’m incapable of describing things in compact ways, but you’ve just summed it up really neatly. If I had an award for Best Comment, I’d definitely give it to you! “Treasure your memories but don’t dwell on them” – well hopefully this is the last of the “dwelling.”

So that’s that. Now I have exams to focus on. But before I end this entry, I’m just going to do a little of the “tooting one’s own horn” and promote my services as an awesome email pal. So if you’re bored at work/school and want some amusement, you can look forward to conversations such as these:

so i’ve decided i should be a better female and take more care of myself. like cut my nails and comb my hair and shave and stuff. it really sucks but i don’t want to feel like a cavewoman standing next to some of the finer specimens of my gender. therefore, am trying to improve.
but it still sucks balls.

11:07 PM me: haha my mom just walked in and saw me grinning stupidly at the corner of my screen
my parents ACTUALLY think i’m mentally challenged
it’s really sad
connie: haha, gmail has that effect
me: my friends feel sad for me
connie: i feel sad for you, too
if it’s any consolation
me: ooh ooh i just sent email go go check!
grunts like an excited caveman
11:10 PM btw before i forget to tell you, your initial message reminds me of this person who called the IT help desk, we were helping her through remote desktop, and then she started freaking out because she was like “can you SEE ME??”
she thought we were actually watching HER, not the screen
it was priceless.
11:11 PM connie: hahaha the poor woman
i think i would have said… yes
because she seems happier knowing you can actually see her
me: i was tempted to say “no, but god can.”
but i think i would’ve lost my job for that
[...]
me: i hate it when people can’t appreciate sarcasm
11:24 PM connie: yeah i know, they must lead a lackluster life
me: i feel really depressed for other people who are less exciting than us
it must really suck to be them.
connie: well, that’s like the entire world
11:25 PM i guess we can pity the whole world
me: let’s have a moment of silence for them.
ok moment over.
With the amazing Connie, from grabaduck.com

why am i complaining about modesty? really. but i wish i weren’t so awkward when i receive compliments. that should be considered a skill too. if i could do it well, i’d put it on my resume. “GREAT AT RECEIVING COMPLIMENTS.”

sry i’m kind of distracted by my indigestion

i’m on the spirit squad for the soph team, and we’re supposed to make this video to show the frosh, and i’ve been pretending i’ve been in cambodia so i can’t read their emails. i should fake some pictures. i was thinking like southeast asian jungles and maybe some vietnamese villagers. and one of those little kids faces that they always show on christian channels asking you to send them money

If you want to get in on a piece of the action, leave me a comment (with the email you’d like me to use) and I’ll send some love your way!